Saturday, September 18, 2010

Lets Get Started

I must be honest, as much as that seems to get me in trouble, you'd think it'd cause an aversion to being honest, isn't that called reverse conditioning? Or am I making that up? I do that sometimes, make "afflictions, syndromes, etc" up to fit something. But anyways. That is not the point of this blog. The point is that Sparrow who will from now on be referred to as Sir has instructed that I am to keep a blog detailing different tasks, thoughts, all that "fun" stuff. Personally I hate having to write out everything I'm thinking so that a group of strangers other than Sir can come prying and suggest different ways of dealing with me or just take enjoyment out of my trials/training. If you couldn't tell by now, me and Sir are in a BDSM relationship, along with his gorrrrrgeous wife, she really is pretty and very kind :) I tell her all the time I'm jealous of her curly hair, I want hair like that. I feel like at this point I don't really have a direction for this blog, it just kind of twists and turns and goes anyway it feels like. Like how I've done nothing but disappoint Sir lately. He has been nothing but kind, respectful, and more than lenient and all I seem to keep doing is fucking up. I feel like a fuck up lately. Not only do I not seem to do things right, I keep making things worse for myself. I just want to start feeling like I'm doing something right. That's what I'm hoping this blog will do. Put the last piece of the puzzle in place and fix everything. Sir originally wanted me to post a personal picture along with this post, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. I really couldn't. I just don't feel comfortable with that at this point. I live with my family, they do not know about my BDSM urges, needs, involvement. I couldn't fathom telling them, my mother I'm worried would kick me out of the house, or look at me in a different light. I don't know....I did send him the 4 plus extra photos he had requested. That was very uncomfortable for me. But I'm trying to prove that I am committed. I wish my job allowed me more time to myself, or that I made more money....I feel like if I worked less and made more I could do a better job of focusing and giving Sir the attention I should. Then again I'm sure many people out there all think the same thing. I feel like this blog is all over the place, Sir probably won't be all that happy about it, it probably won't be everything he was hoping, but I wish it was. I just want to make him happy, make him proud, make him want to praise me. Being scolded, or reprimanded is not fun, and I do not enjoy it. Things need to turn around. But things never get easier right, they just get harder? Idk, I think it would be really awesome to have another sub to talk to, to share with, or just hear from. Maybe I have it better than them? Actually, I'm sure I do, I hope I keep it that way. I don't want Sir to decide to release me. This blog is so disjointed....I hate that I keep drawing attention back to the blog itself. I just don't really have much I should talk about? Or more like, I don't feel like I know what is exactly wanted, or have any certain thing I should bring to light. If you're reading (not you Sir) but everyone else, what do you want to see? What interests you, should I separate the blog with double spacing to make it easier on your eyes? I don't know, sometimes it's so hard to please everyone, so don't expect you'll all get your way. I'm only one girl, one kitten. That's it for now, I wish it was better. I really do. I'm sure you wish you had those few minutes of your life back too after reading this, I don't blame you. I'm none that interesting truth be told :/ Ah well....I'll do as told whether it makes for a good read or not.


1 comment:

  1. very good. very very good. I'm happy to see that although it made you uncomfortable, you were able to follow through with something that makes you feel vulnerable. I want you to know, I'm proud of you, always have been.

    Things do get easier, trust me. It's always darkest before the dawn, and as soon as you can push past the shadows, its easy sailing.

    I love you, you precious little slut you.